Never Forget

When I think about the war on terror, my initial reaction is one of indifference; the war doesn’t affect me. However, if I take a minute to think about it, I realize how I’ve been affected indirectly. I may not voice my thoughts all the time, but the war has definitely put a lot of “what ifs” in my mind. Paranoia, if you will. It’s not that I am constantly living in fear and looking over my shoulder all the time, but I’ve noticed that my imagination tends to imagine deadly theoretical situations. I don’t like to think of myself as paranoid; I’m not usually scared easily and tend to think rationally, but 9/11 and the war on terror has made me subconsciously fearful.

No one will ever forget the attacks of 9/11, and people will especially remember the infamous footage of the towers crumbling to the ground in seconds. I can remember watching the videos on the news like it was yesterday. Before this, I had never even heard of “terrorism” or even imagined a plane crashing into a skyscraper like the Twin Towers. The image is so powerful, and so engraved into my memory that now I can’t get it out of my head. When a clock reads “9:11,” when someone mentions “terrorist” or “terrorism,” or “World Trade Center,” my mind automatically imagines that day in 2001.

When I say that I have become paranoid or fearful, it’s not that I’m afraid of flying, as many people are now, but that I tend to imagine the worst at random times. Every time I see a plane in the sky, I imagine watching it crash into the nearest building. When I hear a plane flying low over me (usually if I’m inside) I think about suddenly seeing it burst through the wall and essentially, kill me. I’m really not usually a morbid person either. Everyone let’s their imagination run wild occasionally, but I worry that my imagination is the result of some sort of post traumatic stress, though very mild. I was only ten years old at the time of the attack. Like I said, I had never been exposed to terrorism and didn’t even know what hijacking meant. As a result, my impressionable and observant young mind absorbed everything being thrown at me. Even if I didn’t completely understand it, I held onto the memory.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, or PTSD for short, is “an anxiety disorder that can develop after exposure to a terrifying event or ordeal in which grave physical harm occurred or was threatened. Traumatic events that may trigger PTSD include violent personal assaults, natural or human-caused disasters, accidents, or military combat.” Watching a building burn while a plane crashes into a second building and then both towers literally turn to dust is pretty traumatic. Not to mention seeing the hysteria of people near the towers and people jumping out of windows. Basic symptoms include flashbacks and frightening thoughts that could cause a person to feel physical symptoms such as a racing heart or sweating. I don’t have intense flashbacks that cause these physical symptoms, but I am frequently reminded of 9/11. I do tend to psyche myself out for no apparent reason. Aside from wondering if every plane I see will crash, I’ll wonder if wherever I am will be bombed. I automatically associate loud noises or crashes from outside my window as life threatening; gun shots, a bomb. Sometimes, I manage to convince myself so completely that my heart actually does start to race with nervousness.

This is actually something I recently started thinking about. I noticed that I tend to imagine things like this, but I never thought to associate it with 9/11 or the war. Now, though, I believe they are related. As far as the literal war—the actual fighting overseas, not the ongoing “war on terror.” I honestly tend to forget it’s even going on. I don’t remember hearing that we invaded Iraq in 2003 (where I was, the specific newscast, nothing) and the only news stories I tend to hear are of soldiers dying in explosions from road-side bombs. I was older than I was when I witnessed 9/11, but I can hardly remember it. Friends of mine tend to have similar views that they are unaffected by the war. When you can’t see your enemy it’s hard to imagine actual warfare going on. In fact, hearing “war on terror” reminds me more of 9/11 than soldiers in Iraq. Yes, we are fighting humans, but our enemy is an action, a feeling.

While we can never truly forget the war on terror, I think it’s gradually fading away (unfortunately. Troops aren’t getting enough credit or support; but I digress). I distinctly remember hearing more information than I do now about the status of the war. Especially since Obama was elected President, the war in Iraq has taken a back seat to recession, health care, and other problems closer to home. And speaking of home, I think that’s why we will never forget 9/11 but ignore the actual war. The World Trade Center was on our soil. The entire country (not to mention the entire world) saw it happen. Everything happened suddenly and quickly. Thousands of lives were taken in seconds. We were also peaceful. The attack was completely out of the blue. Yes, lives are being lost overseas but at a much slower pace. We can only read, watch, or hear about what is happening after it has already happened. And we’re in the middle of the war; it’s nothing new. By now, we’ve adjusted to being in war and expect bad news.

Whether you were ten years old or seventy years old on September 11, 2001, the memory of that day will forever be engraved in everyone’s mind; sometimes, a bit too deeply. So deep that it manifests into an abnormal fear. So deep that simply looking at the time triggers a memory. Some things you just never forget.